Feels Like The First Time

Sitting thinking about the past, thinking of how it all comes together, to this one moment
where I am sitting here writing this for all of you to read. I feel a certain nostalgia,
a feeling of yearning and wanting, a wanting for a better tomorrow, a better yesterday,
but most of all a better today. 

The first time I ever felt that way was when I was a little girl. I needed, I desired to be
someone else. Someone who can withstand the chaos around me. It seemed every way
I turned, there was more chaos or drama. Adults behaving like children without a
care in the world, when they had children of their own. Trusted souls who broke the trust
because they were broken themselves and acted out based on what or all they
have ever known. 

Does yesterday turn us into what we are tomorrow or does today make us better to
survive tomorrow?

Do we search for something we are missing in others or do we just deal with the fact
that something deep inside is void?

I wonder these things as I sit here in complete silence, left to my own thoughts
and whatever emotions I have left from being through so much. It happens, you become
numb to emotion when pain and betrayal is all you have ever known. 

I wonder, those who are reading this, do you ever feel that way? Alone when you’re in
a crowd, strong yet weak, emotionless yet you want to cry? 

Share your thoughts!