Private Emotion

When the soul is tired and the heart is weak, where do you turn?

Thinking back I can recall having someone in my life who used to call whenever they
needed to talk about anything. I mean anything. All emotions put aside just to share
how they were feeling and what was going on in their life. So many secrets revealed
and so much trust given. Can friendships bring you on a roller coaster of emotions that
one may think that when they stop talking they are heart broken? I often wonder about
that. When a friends runs to another friend of the opposite sex, does that mean they are
comfortable with them enough to reveal deep secrets? Or does it mean they want more
from the other and that is why they are sharing?

What makes one turn on another when they were once so close and vulnerable to
one another?Souls connecting makes one want to hear from and be near a person, so why
disconnect so quickly and without cause? Is it private emotions running so deep that one
was scarred or simply a  fluke and a twist in fate?

The problem with people these days is that no one thinks of the other person's feelings
when they say or do stupid things to hurt them for no reason. If someone is standing by
your side through thick and thin, you do not turn your back on them. You believe in them
as they did you, but some just can't fathom that people actually care for them, so they keep
their emotions private.

Those private emotions get the best of you and make you lose site of the good in front of you.
I know, I have been there. You feel that fuckery happening, but you ignore it because
you want to see the good in people and not that bad side your gut is telling you that is there.

Do you have any private emotion stories you’d like to share? I’d love to hear them.

Downtown Train

As I sit on this downtown train, I watch the people around me. I see the man shyly smile at
the woman sitting across from him though she does not see. I wonder what made him smile
while he looked at her. She is beautiful while she plays her game or watches something on her
phone. But what made him smile at her. Was it the simplicity of her being in her own world or
carnal thoughts of his that brought the smile to his face.

While I try to figure out the mysterious smile guy, someone hacks and makes me look
at them. What makes people do this? I understand that at times people need to cough,
but this is vile shit...
I mean stay home if you sound like that.

Before I can think of that any further, here comes a musician. I usually don’t mind musicians
on he train, but this guy is being nasty. He has nasty comments to people because they
are not giving him money. I usually support train musicians, but not how he is being. Provoking
and saying nasty things doesn't make me want to give money to anyone.

Oh, now someone is playing a video so the whole car can hear. Where have
manners gone? It is rude to have to hear something one does not want to hear. I do
not need to hear your music or your videos as I sit here waiting to get home. Respect
is lost. People have become so selfish these days that it hurts my soul.

Finally I got off the train and can now be home in a few minutes. My head sometimes spins
riding the subway. You never know what you will see or hear for that matter.

Let me know your stories of riding the subway/train/bus...

Feels Like The First Time

Sitting thinking about the past, thinking of how it all comes together, to this one moment
where I am sitting here writing this for all of you to read. I feel a certain nostalgia,
a feeling of yearning and wanting, a wanting for a better tomorrow, a better yesterday,
but most of all a better today. 

The first time I ever felt that way was when I was a little girl. I needed, I desired to be
someone else. Someone who can withstand the chaos around me. It seemed every way
I turned, there was more chaos or drama. Adults behaving like children without a
care in the world, when they had children of their own. Trusted souls who broke the trust
because they were broken themselves and acted out based on what or all they
have ever known. 

Does yesterday turn us into what we are tomorrow or does today make us better to
survive tomorrow?

Do we search for something we are missing in others or do we just deal with the fact
that something deep inside is void?

I wonder these things as I sit here in complete silence, left to my own thoughts
and whatever emotions I have left from being through so much. It happens, you become
numb to emotion when pain and betrayal is all you have ever known. 

I wonder, those who are reading this, do you ever feel that way? Alone when you’re in
a crowd, strong yet weak, emotionless yet you want to cry? 

Share your thoughts!